The Waiting Room pt. 1

The last day before the Feriado I made myself an ultimatum and visited the Director's office to continue our ongoing conversation. The ultimatum: try or you've given up... Go or else it's a default no. The conversation: the future... Continuing opportunities at BAICA.

I told myself, in the absence of a yes, it's a no.

As I was hired as a long-term substitute for the duration of the 2nd Grade teacher's Maternity Leave, my contract lasts until the end of the school year. June 16 to be exact, which is a little more than a month. I knew that from the start. Aside from the security of an income, housing, a Christian community, I accepted the job and came to Argentina without official expectations-- just the hope that the school and I would be a good fit. I liked the idea of testing it out before I had to commit.

Well, a month or two back, I let the school know I was ready. Given the opportunity, I would sign on for a full term-- a contract for two years.

My supervisors gave me great feedback and I got my hopes up. Planning was quicker, teaching was smoother, class management became a thing I could understand. The job felt right.

Since then, it's been a back-and-forth between the school and me. Sincere talk, waiting, checking in, praying, looking for loopholes... Problem is there's no position for me. Regardless of my performance, I don't have the right qualifications. BAICA is an accredited school with an American curriculum and I didn't study education. Full time teachers have specialized transcripts, not just teaching certificates.

Well, on Tuesday I tried one more time. I left my self-preservation on my desk, walked upstairs to Andy's office, and straight out asked about my options. What I got was more positive feedback and inconclusive answers. They say I've got the natural knack for teaching and they're pleased with me... but that my future at BAICA looks bleak.

The gist is they don't want to close the door on me, but neither can they open doors that aren't there. And if it's not a yes, it's a no.

This answer of course had to come on the same day that the First Graders ask, "Miss Keenan, will you be our teacher next year?"... The same day a Kindergarten boy hugs me and says, "I love you! I can't wait till Second Grade!"

I don't want to leave. It feels like defeat.

The good news is I learned a new skill. More or less on my own, I figured out how to teach a 2nd Grade bilingual classroom in a few short months. I met amazing people, got to come back to Buenos Aires, and regained some confidence... but still, it feels a little like a break up. Something good is coming to a close and I can't say I'm ready for it.

Not only that, but I'm not ready to start the job hunt again. I'm not cut out for networking, searching, applying, and presenting myself as the best candidate. I really hate the whole thing. (But really, who doesn't?)

Boo hiss.

Decision time...